Settling Thoughts
by Calicy
Summary: Sakura ponders her life. OneShot NaruSaku


Settling Thoughts

When she was young Sakura had wanted to gain the status of jonin, marry Uchiha Sasuke, have three kids (two girls and a boy), to have a house with a big garden and retire after her three children had married. What she got was a hyperactive demon retainer, chunin ninja status, a child by the time she was seventeen and all the wonderful names that came with conceiving a baby out of wedlock.

Three months after they had married, Naruto had asked her if she regretted her life. His head had been resting on her shoulder and she had been reading a book so she had tried to pretend she couldn't hear. But they both had been hurt by her lack of an answer.

As a girl she had thought marrying the last heir to a powerful clan would be exciting. She had dream of how it would all go down. She and Sasuke would admire each other from a distance all the while nurturing an undying love for the other. Then one day Sasuke would save Sakura from some indomitable breast by of course being empowered by his love for her and then with his foe slain he would hold her in his arms and confess his feelings for her. She would of course admit her requite. They would return to Konoha where Sasuke would demand her hand in marriage. Like in all romantic fantasies Sakura's father would forbid the union. The duo would of course ignore his wishes and be married. They would of course have a few years to enjoy not having to share each other with any one else. Then there first child would be born, not driving them apart like so many other, but bringing them closer. The next two would only increase their happiness. Sakura and Sasuke would raise their kids perfectly, being both enforcers and confiders, all the while keeping their love alive. Finally with many tears their little ones would grow up and leave to find their own happiness. Old but still infatuated, Sakura and Sasuke would travel the world, until death found them in their sleep, at the same time of course.

Looking back at that dream, Sakura was exhausted just thinking of it. Of course at the time such a reverie seemed do able.

When she had been put in the same genin team as the Uchiha, she had thought their union was meant to be. Logic had completely escaped her as she relentlessly pursued her flame much like a moth. She masked over her true nature with her hidden personality. She had tried so hard to be perfect and appealing. She had let her anger loose on Naruto and Ino. Her mother had warned her not to choose her life partner at such a younger age. "You're not mature enough to handle love." This had enraged her. Just because her mother had been almost dead by the time she had married didn't mean she knew what love was. What she and Sasuke shared was true love which couldn't be broken by any force of nature.

Except the Uchiha vendetta of course.

Why had she still wanted him after he had left been beyond her. Why she had begged Naruto to go and find him, she was oblivious. She had put the blame on everyone but Sasuke. Naruto, Itachi, herself, even Kakashi-sensei. She had eventually come to understand that Sasuke didn't want to be loved; he only wanted to dwell on the past. She could understand him wanting to avenge his clan but when she'd heard he had accomplished this dream, she couldn't understand why he hadn't returned.

She had waited for him for years. For too long her entire life had revolved around him. Her only solace had been the medic-nin exams but even then she had tracked him with the aid of Tsunade. Finally on a rather shady rumor that he was in a nearby village, she had tried to go to him.

And there he had been in some bar, drunk as hell but still so handsome.

She had hurled herself onto him and sobbed. He turned to her and said, "Who the hell are you?"

She had been puzzled and had even racked her brain to see if she had ever read something about intoxication causing memory loss. "It's me Sakura? Sakura Haruno?"

He had chuckled, his breath rancid enough to peel paint. "Billboard girl! You were as annoying as Naruto. What do you want? Come to make me come back to the Hidden Leaf?"

Sakura had stood there grinning and confused, "What do you mean? Aren't you going to?"

Sasuke laughed coldly, "No. Hidden Leaf has nothing for me. Just empty memories."

"What about me? You'll have me."

The beautiful prodigy's eyes narrowed, "Sorry but some old genin teammate isn't reason enough to go back _there_."

Was that all she was to him? Some old genin teammate? All she had wanted out of life was his love and now that she knew for sure he felt nothing for her, she felt lost and empty.

She had run from that bar, afraid to look back and see him turn to his drink and forget her again. Several broken tree branches and numerous buckets of tears later, she found herself outside of Naruto's apartment.

Naruto didn't even have to be told what happened. He had just taken her into his arms and burying his head into her hair. It had been nice to have some one to cry with. But she had been shocked when he said, "I wish you would stop doing this."

She had shoved him away, "What the hell is that suppose to mean!"

"I wish you would stop chasing after him and coming back to me broken and expecting to me pick up the pieces. I hurt me you know."

"Jerk," she grabbed her jacket fiercely from next to him, "No one is asking you to heal me. I just hoped you would sympathize."

"I do sympathize!" he had said trying to cut her off before she got to the door, "And I don't mind fixing you. You wanna know why?"

Sakura had flung open the door, not really caring why he didn't mind being a free shrink. She never wanted to see him again if all he thought she was was some tortured soul which he had taken on out of the goodness of his heart. Until she heard what he said next.

"I don't mind cause I love you!"

She hadn't meant to make Naruto a lover and she REALLY hadn't meant to get pregnant but it had been for the best.

Kana had brought her back to earth. All her naïve and childish dream had disappeared the moment her daughter had been put in her arms. She still remembered the tears in Naruto's eyes as he looked at his new family. It was then with her baby girl crying for milk Sakura was yet to produce and Naruto swearing over his seemingly broken camera that she had realized her life had been worth living maybe even better than she had imagined. Perhaps Naruto wasn't Sasuke but that was okay. He loved her and that was all that mattered. So what if she let Kana run around in nothing but a dirty diaper. She hadn't done anything that would permanently scare the kid. Yet. She probably wouldn't get that house with a garden but what the hell. That would be more work than it was worth. No, this was the perfect life for her. Simple but beautiful in its own way.

That night with Naruto almost sleeping on top of her, with a steady pool of drool form growing on her shoulder, she had turned to him and muttered into his hair, "In response to your question, I love my life." She didn't know if he heard but he had tilted his head back and put his lips in a position that seemed oddly like a kiss.

_Reviews are nice but not necessary. Flames are fine as long as they are conductive criticism. Thanks for reading. _


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